Yesterday, I had a rather disturbing phone call with a very dear friend and an ex-colleague of mine. We've shared some excellent working times while I was I Chennai and I've always had a phenomenal amount of respect for her and her capabilities, and moreover for the fact that she is one of the few people I've known who would take a stand irrespective of how difficult or complex a situation got. And this didn't matter whether it was in her personal and professional life. For obvious reasons, I will not reveal what the exact subject of our discussion was on the phone call, but I will definitely ask us MEN to take a long, hard look at ourselves in the mirror, since obviously, we seem to have traded our conscience for ego, delusion and intolerance.
I have a question for all of us men, especially us Indian Men. We are full of double-standards aren't we? On one hand, we are experts at talking about women's rights, that they should stand up for themselves, that they too have an opinion, that they should be allowed to live life on their own terms. In reality, its all just a whole load of unrefined Bullshit. Here's the reality.
As Bosses and colleagues
1. As a boss, We want a woman who can have an opinion only so far as it doesn't clash with ours and especially our king-sized ego.
2. As a boss,We want a woman who will unquestionably do what we ask of her
3. As a boss, we want an intelligent subordinate but only as long as her intelligence isn't greater than ours.
3. As a colleague, we want a woman who is supposedly 'equal' to us, but the moment she gets ahead we start our tongues wagging about how she might have gone ahead. (Makes me wanna puke :( )
4. As a colleague, we want a woman who we can approach but when she says no, we bitch the hell about her and berate her character
5. As a colleague, we want a woman who will be accommodating about our requests for help but we will choose to help only when we want to or feel 'whats in it for us'
As a lover/husband/life partner
1. We want a woman (a trophy to be more specific) who's extremely good-looking and pretty but who will not be admired by other men.
2. We want a woman who will handle all our idiosyncrasies and yet love us for 'who we are'. Well, in case you havent guessed, the reverse does not apply . sic
3. We can stray as far and long as we want, and come back (and sometimes even demand to be taken back as if it were our fuckin birthright to be allowed that one 'mistake' ). It of course,never stops at that, does it? When we are forgiven, we take it as a huge boost for the ego and abuse that trust again and again. And the next time, we try to be even more clever and cover our tracks so that we don't end up getting 'caught'. And then when we get dumped, we shout and scream and seek solace from our fellow brothers who in turn tell us that we deserve better. REALLY???? DO WE????
4. We supposedly believe in equality, but the moment the woman asserts herself we get extremely uncomfortable and start to bring up things that were long buried in the past in an attempt to prove her wrong and even destroy her self-confidence
5. We want a woman who will be kind and forgiving to all our flaws yet we will crucify her for her flaws (even if most of her flaws exist only inside OUR Mind, and not in reality)
6. We are free to ask her all sorts of questions while we start squirming the moment we are asked similar questions.
Lets face it, guys, we have collectively disappointed our female species. And we have a lot of making up to do before we win back their trust. Let me tell you all this as well. No matter how sweet our words may be, in the end its our actions that speak volumes. There's really no point in going to a temple to worship Durga Mata or Lakshmi Mata and then treat a woman like a doormat no matter what equation she has in our life (be it a co-worker, lover, wife, partner, mother, sister or daughter).
At office, if you've been the reason for causing grief to your female colleague, be MAN enough and admit your fault. If it means going up to your superior and revealing the truth to him or her, DO IT. Not only will she respect you for it, you too will respect yourself irrespective of the what the outcome is. You have to awaken your conscience.
If you've fucked up big time and I mean really BIG TIME, be MAN enough to firstly admit it to yourself and then to her (necessarily in that order). Don't apologize simply because you're scared that she will leave you ( if you two are in a relationship) and that you'll be left nursing your broken heart. Actually, thats far from the truth. The truth is that its not your heart that has been broken, its your ego. Apologize simply because it is the right thing to do and then give her the space to make her decision and most importantly, respect that decision. However hard it may be, you have to respect that decision.
2. Make a promise (again first to yourself and then to her) that you will not repeat it. And don't expect her to believe you straightaway. You WILL be tested, and you owe it to yourself and to her to pass that test. NO, you will NOT try to be clever and cover up ur tracks better this time round. That's the path you don't wanna go down, trust me.
3. Be realistic and brutally honest with yourself: You will make mistakes in future, but you simply cannot and must not take it for granted that you will be forgiven every single time. Nobody likes to be taken for granted.
4. Last but not least, find friends and confidantes who will advise you rightly, not try to convince you and support you all the time. This entire thing about the BRO CODE is highly annoying. The Bro Code shouldnt be about the proverbial 'what happens in vegas, stays in vegas'. The Bro Code should be about giving the right advice to your fellow brothers for them to become men of honour. Not just in the sphere of inter-personal relationships but in life in general.
Because trust me, when you hear a woman saying that in the entire room full of men, she was the only one with balls, ouch, that does hurt. And the unfortunate part is that she is right :(
You can only know a woman's substance if you are a man of honour.
I have a question for all of us men, especially us Indian Men. We are full of double-standards aren't we? On one hand, we are experts at talking about women's rights, that they should stand up for themselves, that they too have an opinion, that they should be allowed to live life on their own terms. In reality, its all just a whole load of unrefined Bullshit. Here's the reality.
As Bosses and colleagues
1. As a boss, We want a woman who can have an opinion only so far as it doesn't clash with ours and especially our king-sized ego.
2. As a boss,We want a woman who will unquestionably do what we ask of her
3. As a boss, we want an intelligent subordinate but only as long as her intelligence isn't greater than ours.
3. As a colleague, we want a woman who is supposedly 'equal' to us, but the moment she gets ahead we start our tongues wagging about how she might have gone ahead. (Makes me wanna puke :( )
4. As a colleague, we want a woman who we can approach but when she says no, we bitch the hell about her and berate her character
5. As a colleague, we want a woman who will be accommodating about our requests for help but we will choose to help only when we want to or feel 'whats in it for us'
As a lover/husband/life partner
1. We want a woman (a trophy to be more specific) who's extremely good-looking and pretty but who will not be admired by other men.
2. We want a woman who will handle all our idiosyncrasies and yet love us for 'who we are'. Well, in case you havent guessed, the reverse does not apply . sic
3. We can stray as far and long as we want, and come back (and sometimes even demand to be taken back as if it were our fuckin birthright to be allowed that one 'mistake' ). It of course,never stops at that, does it? When we are forgiven, we take it as a huge boost for the ego and abuse that trust again and again. And the next time, we try to be even more clever and cover our tracks so that we don't end up getting 'caught'. And then when we get dumped, we shout and scream and seek solace from our fellow brothers who in turn tell us that we deserve better. REALLY???? DO WE????
4. We supposedly believe in equality, but the moment the woman asserts herself we get extremely uncomfortable and start to bring up things that were long buried in the past in an attempt to prove her wrong and even destroy her self-confidence
5. We want a woman who will be kind and forgiving to all our flaws yet we will crucify her for her flaws (even if most of her flaws exist only inside OUR Mind, and not in reality)
6. We are free to ask her all sorts of questions while we start squirming the moment we are asked similar questions.
Lets face it, guys, we have collectively disappointed our female species. And we have a lot of making up to do before we win back their trust. Let me tell you all this as well. No matter how sweet our words may be, in the end its our actions that speak volumes. There's really no point in going to a temple to worship Durga Mata or Lakshmi Mata and then treat a woman like a doormat no matter what equation she has in our life (be it a co-worker, lover, wife, partner, mother, sister or daughter).
At office, if you've been the reason for causing grief to your female colleague, be MAN enough and admit your fault. If it means going up to your superior and revealing the truth to him or her, DO IT. Not only will she respect you for it, you too will respect yourself irrespective of the what the outcome is. You have to awaken your conscience.
If you've fucked up big time and I mean really BIG TIME, be MAN enough to firstly admit it to yourself and then to her (necessarily in that order). Don't apologize simply because you're scared that she will leave you ( if you two are in a relationship) and that you'll be left nursing your broken heart. Actually, thats far from the truth. The truth is that its not your heart that has been broken, its your ego. Apologize simply because it is the right thing to do and then give her the space to make her decision and most importantly, respect that decision. However hard it may be, you have to respect that decision.
2. Make a promise (again first to yourself and then to her) that you will not repeat it. And don't expect her to believe you straightaway. You WILL be tested, and you owe it to yourself and to her to pass that test. NO, you will NOT try to be clever and cover up ur tracks better this time round. That's the path you don't wanna go down, trust me.
3. Be realistic and brutally honest with yourself: You will make mistakes in future, but you simply cannot and must not take it for granted that you will be forgiven every single time. Nobody likes to be taken for granted.
4. Last but not least, find friends and confidantes who will advise you rightly, not try to convince you and support you all the time. This entire thing about the BRO CODE is highly annoying. The Bro Code shouldnt be about the proverbial 'what happens in vegas, stays in vegas'. The Bro Code should be about giving the right advice to your fellow brothers for them to become men of honour. Not just in the sphere of inter-personal relationships but in life in general.
Because trust me, when you hear a woman saying that in the entire room full of men, she was the only one with balls, ouch, that does hurt. And the unfortunate part is that she is right :(
You can only know a woman's substance if you are a man of honour.
