In the entire 38 years of my life, I have very little memory of 'living' with Dad. The divorce in the early 80's between Mom and Dad happened at a time when I was too young to comprehend the gravity of such events.
It wasn't until the year 2008 till an opportunity presented itself for a small albeit important family reunion of sorts. I remember the entire episode vividly and down to the last word. Dad had recently undergone a Heart bypass surgery and his live-in partner had to leave town for a few days to attend to some personal matters. The Doctors had made it clear that at any cost he was not to stay alone. Such situations had presented themselves before and on most occasions, he would stay with one of his Brothers i.e one of my Uncles. This time something was amiss. He had mentioned to me sometime back that he didn't to be a burden on anyone so he had decided not to stay with anyone. He was happier alone. The feeling of discomfort was very evident on his face. I didn't bother asking him if anything went wrong between him and his siblings simply because it wasn't my question to ask. Dad and I had that kind of relationship. We were always there for each other but we lived our own lives and didn't pry into each other's. I did ask him a question, though. And it took him totally by surprise.
"Why don't you stay with us (Mom and Me) until she comes back?", I asked him as directly as I could. He looked at me. Then he looked away without uttering a word. I repeated my question, "Dad, why don't you stay with us?" He looked at me again and this time he spoke, " No, No, No, I can't do that. What will Sheila think? It's been far too long. I don't know how it will turnout". I said, " There's nothing of that sort. Just come!" . He wouldn't have any of it. Then, reluctantly and hesitantly, he said " Why don't you speak to her once? Don't tell her you're here with me." , I smiled and waved my hand sideways, " No Dad, I will dial the number, you talk to her". He froze for a second and then vehemently refused. " It's much too awkward for me, Olly. If she says no, I won't be able to handle it". " She won't, I can assure you of that", I confidently replied. "How do you know? Have you already spoken to her about this?" He asked. The hope of an affirmative reply was very evident in his tone. " Nope, how could I ask her when it's you who needs to. I'm dialing her number now, talk to her". He sat next to me nervously as he heard the phone ring. "Hi, bolo!" was Mom's typical response whenever she answered my call. " Yo Mumzee, I'm sitting here with Dad! He wants to have a word with you", I placed the phone on Dad's palm. " Hello, Sheila?" he said softly. It was the first time I heard him speak so softly. Over the years, Mom and Dad had maintained a very cordial relationship. We had celebrated all birthdays, auspicious events together despite they being divorced. He was particularly worried about Mom after my Grandmom had passed away. She was, after all, Mom's pillar of support. After her demise, he made it a point to check on her every now and then. Sometimes he would drop by with fruits (he was brilliant in choosing the best fruits), sometimes sweets, sometimes just like that.But rarely did he speak so softly.
"Hi Shravan, how's it going?" She replied in her usual chirpy yet commanding voice. "I'm good, how are you?', he replied. She said she was fine and went straight to the point as only she could, " You wanted to have a word with me?" she enquired. "Umm, well, yes! I did. Olly and I were chatting. As you know, I might have to stay alone for a few days but my Doctor has said I shouldn't...".Before he could complete his sentence, Mom interrupted " Shravan, come home and stay with us as long as you please". He went quiet. He was too stunned to react. I gave him a victorious smirk. " Are you sure, Sheila", he asked in disbelief. " She said, "When do you want to come?", was her answer. " I'll come tomorrow morning, and thanks so much!!!"
I told him I'd pick him up in the morning and left with a grin on my face. I knew my Mom better than anyone else, and she knew him as well as she had 3 decades ago. AS I left, at the door, he asked me," I hope I'm not going to be a burden on you two". I said " See you tomorrow morning, Dad"
The next morning, he was ready. I've always known Dad to be very punctual. He was dressed in his usual Lacoste T-shirt and casual trousers. Not a crease on either. He had his bag packed along with a small handbag. "My medicines," he said patting the side of the bag. The drive was very short as he lived only minutes away from our place. As we took the elevator, he seemed a little nervous but he composed himself. It had been nearly 25-years since they lived under the same roof. Surely, this was a moment for both of them to be nervous. If Mom was nervous, she never showed it. The previous evening, she and I discussed what we needed to be in place for him. She seemed fully aware of what was in store for us and seemed least hassled or worried.
When we entered our home, she gave a big smile accompanied by a very friendly "Hi". I think that moment was priceless. He smiled back and said "Hi" but the relief was more than abundant on his face. He was home. He knew it. We ushered him into his room and saw to it that everything was in place. We left him to unwind in 'his room' . Shortly, he emerged from the room and joined us in the living room where Mom and I were having a casual chat. He joined in and we continued chatting for hours.
The next three days, we would laugh together at some of the ridiculous things each of us experienced. He would frequently invade our DVD library and ask about movies. He would take charge of a lot of things including giving tips on how to cook only to be admonished out of the kitchen. I remember him being very appreciative of the food he had and even more so because Mom would cook especially for him. And she did it happily. They did talk abut certain incidents that widened the rift between them but they did so as mature adults. Mom was particularly dismissive of many of these incidents. Too much water has flown under the bridge, she would say. He felt guilty and often wondered why he wasn't so mature.
Three days flew past. He grew more and more relaxed, He would often enter the kitchen and make tea for Mom in the evening, sit and cut onions at the table, iron his clothes and volunteer to iron my t-shirts as well. He would hum some of his favourite songs by Rafi and Kishore. He would always take his plate into the kitchen and wash it himself much to the chagrin of Mom and Me. He would come out of the kitchen and grin widely saying, " I'm used to cleaning my own plate". On the eve of the third day, late in the evening, after a phone call that he received, presumably from his partner, he came out to the living room and sat with us. "I'll be going back tomorrow!". Mom and I looked at each other and then looked at him. She smiled," Okay". We continued to chat till it was 10pm- his bed time.
The next morning, he came out of his room.As always, he was dressed in his trademark attire - A lacoste t-shirt, casual trousers, usually beige, and neatly ironed. His bag had been packed along with the handbag. The three of us took the elevator down to the parking lot and as he sat in the car, Mom said " You know you're welcome to come and stay at anytime". He smiled and gave her a hug. No tears, no melodrama, no fancy words. Just a hug. He sat in the car and waved out to her and said ' Thanks a lot, Sheila! I'll always remember that." We drove out of our apartment complex. The journey was ,again, short. As we walked into his apartment, I placed his bag in his room. It was time for me to go to work. As I was about to leave, I asked him " Dad, why don't you move in with us? It was so much fun having you around!" He smiled and said, " Olly, I only needed these three days with Sheila and You. Now I can go in peace." I never really comprehended what he meant to say. Little did I know that just a few months later, he suffered a stroke which sent him into a coma and eventually took his life. Had I known, I would've probably forced him to stay back. But that is the glorious yet tragic uncertainty of Life. I know he lives on in our hearts but those three days will always remain the most cherished memories I had with him.
It wasn't until the year 2008 till an opportunity presented itself for a small albeit important family reunion of sorts. I remember the entire episode vividly and down to the last word. Dad had recently undergone a Heart bypass surgery and his live-in partner had to leave town for a few days to attend to some personal matters. The Doctors had made it clear that at any cost he was not to stay alone. Such situations had presented themselves before and on most occasions, he would stay with one of his Brothers i.e one of my Uncles. This time something was amiss. He had mentioned to me sometime back that he didn't to be a burden on anyone so he had decided not to stay with anyone. He was happier alone. The feeling of discomfort was very evident on his face. I didn't bother asking him if anything went wrong between him and his siblings simply because it wasn't my question to ask. Dad and I had that kind of relationship. We were always there for each other but we lived our own lives and didn't pry into each other's. I did ask him a question, though. And it took him totally by surprise.
"Why don't you stay with us (Mom and Me) until she comes back?", I asked him as directly as I could. He looked at me. Then he looked away without uttering a word. I repeated my question, "Dad, why don't you stay with us?" He looked at me again and this time he spoke, " No, No, No, I can't do that. What will Sheila think? It's been far too long. I don't know how it will turnout". I said, " There's nothing of that sort. Just come!" . He wouldn't have any of it. Then, reluctantly and hesitantly, he said " Why don't you speak to her once? Don't tell her you're here with me." , I smiled and waved my hand sideways, " No Dad, I will dial the number, you talk to her". He froze for a second and then vehemently refused. " It's much too awkward for me, Olly. If she says no, I won't be able to handle it". " She won't, I can assure you of that", I confidently replied. "How do you know? Have you already spoken to her about this?" He asked. The hope of an affirmative reply was very evident in his tone. " Nope, how could I ask her when it's you who needs to. I'm dialing her number now, talk to her". He sat next to me nervously as he heard the phone ring. "Hi, bolo!" was Mom's typical response whenever she answered my call. " Yo Mumzee, I'm sitting here with Dad! He wants to have a word with you", I placed the phone on Dad's palm. " Hello, Sheila?" he said softly. It was the first time I heard him speak so softly. Over the years, Mom and Dad had maintained a very cordial relationship. We had celebrated all birthdays, auspicious events together despite they being divorced. He was particularly worried about Mom after my Grandmom had passed away. She was, after all, Mom's pillar of support. After her demise, he made it a point to check on her every now and then. Sometimes he would drop by with fruits (he was brilliant in choosing the best fruits), sometimes sweets, sometimes just like that.But rarely did he speak so softly.
"Hi Shravan, how's it going?" She replied in her usual chirpy yet commanding voice. "I'm good, how are you?', he replied. She said she was fine and went straight to the point as only she could, " You wanted to have a word with me?" she enquired. "Umm, well, yes! I did. Olly and I were chatting. As you know, I might have to stay alone for a few days but my Doctor has said I shouldn't...".Before he could complete his sentence, Mom interrupted " Shravan, come home and stay with us as long as you please". He went quiet. He was too stunned to react. I gave him a victorious smirk. " Are you sure, Sheila", he asked in disbelief. " She said, "When do you want to come?", was her answer. " I'll come tomorrow morning, and thanks so much!!!"
I told him I'd pick him up in the morning and left with a grin on my face. I knew my Mom better than anyone else, and she knew him as well as she had 3 decades ago. AS I left, at the door, he asked me," I hope I'm not going to be a burden on you two". I said " See you tomorrow morning, Dad"
The next morning, he was ready. I've always known Dad to be very punctual. He was dressed in his usual Lacoste T-shirt and casual trousers. Not a crease on either. He had his bag packed along with a small handbag. "My medicines," he said patting the side of the bag. The drive was very short as he lived only minutes away from our place. As we took the elevator, he seemed a little nervous but he composed himself. It had been nearly 25-years since they lived under the same roof. Surely, this was a moment for both of them to be nervous. If Mom was nervous, she never showed it. The previous evening, she and I discussed what we needed to be in place for him. She seemed fully aware of what was in store for us and seemed least hassled or worried.
When we entered our home, she gave a big smile accompanied by a very friendly "Hi". I think that moment was priceless. He smiled back and said "Hi" but the relief was more than abundant on his face. He was home. He knew it. We ushered him into his room and saw to it that everything was in place. We left him to unwind in 'his room' . Shortly, he emerged from the room and joined us in the living room where Mom and I were having a casual chat. He joined in and we continued chatting for hours.
The next three days, we would laugh together at some of the ridiculous things each of us experienced. He would frequently invade our DVD library and ask about movies. He would take charge of a lot of things including giving tips on how to cook only to be admonished out of the kitchen. I remember him being very appreciative of the food he had and even more so because Mom would cook especially for him. And she did it happily. They did talk abut certain incidents that widened the rift between them but they did so as mature adults. Mom was particularly dismissive of many of these incidents. Too much water has flown under the bridge, she would say. He felt guilty and often wondered why he wasn't so mature.
Three days flew past. He grew more and more relaxed, He would often enter the kitchen and make tea for Mom in the evening, sit and cut onions at the table, iron his clothes and volunteer to iron my t-shirts as well. He would hum some of his favourite songs by Rafi and Kishore. He would always take his plate into the kitchen and wash it himself much to the chagrin of Mom and Me. He would come out of the kitchen and grin widely saying, " I'm used to cleaning my own plate". On the eve of the third day, late in the evening, after a phone call that he received, presumably from his partner, he came out to the living room and sat with us. "I'll be going back tomorrow!". Mom and I looked at each other and then looked at him. She smiled," Okay". We continued to chat till it was 10pm- his bed time.
The next morning, he came out of his room.As always, he was dressed in his trademark attire - A lacoste t-shirt, casual trousers, usually beige, and neatly ironed. His bag had been packed along with the handbag. The three of us took the elevator down to the parking lot and as he sat in the car, Mom said " You know you're welcome to come and stay at anytime". He smiled and gave her a hug. No tears, no melodrama, no fancy words. Just a hug. He sat in the car and waved out to her and said ' Thanks a lot, Sheila! I'll always remember that." We drove out of our apartment complex. The journey was ,again, short. As we walked into his apartment, I placed his bag in his room. It was time for me to go to work. As I was about to leave, I asked him " Dad, why don't you move in with us? It was so much fun having you around!" He smiled and said, " Olly, I only needed these three days with Sheila and You. Now I can go in peace." I never really comprehended what he meant to say. Little did I know that just a few months later, he suffered a stroke which sent him into a coma and eventually took his life. Had I known, I would've probably forced him to stay back. But that is the glorious yet tragic uncertainty of Life. I know he lives on in our hearts but those three days will always remain the most cherished memories I had with him.
Your posts are very honest and courageous, straight from the heart and it really feels like you are talking to the reader.
ReplyDeleteVery nice. Thank you so much for sharing.